Floyd is Not Dangerous
But the new Dr is going to excise and biopsy him just to make sure. Today, he told me my chances of it being cancer were 0% and the chances of it being pre-cancer were 1%. Good news!
Unfortunately, this followed a similar cycle to many of the events I’ve had in my life: getting concerned about something and then having it minimized. The Dr in this case was wonderful, and not condescending at all. But in my childhood and in my adulthod, I’ve been traumatized by people who have minimized many of my feelings – physical and emotional. I was always told to “Shut up and tough it out” as a kid, no matter what was wrong. Happy (but not TOO happy) was the only acceptable emotion at my house and “fine” was the only acceptable answer to how I felt physically. Many times I felt bad, but was told I was oversensitive.
This has carried over into my adult life, and now as I fully come out of denial and pursue treatment for chronic pain issues, I bump into these situations again and again. Part of how I’ve been able to spend 16 years in on-again/off-again denial is that I was raised to not trust myself – to naturally fear whatever I feel. What I felt was always wrong, so how could I trust it?
It’s a long, hard road to truth and healing.