my pink toes

Wow – it’s been an exciting month for me. I have finally started to jump in and embrace doing what I love: writing. It’s taken a long time for me to get here: being side-lined by self-doubt, side-tracked by More Urgent Matters and nagged constantly by the question of “who would want to read it?”. Finally, I’m at a place where all those things are quiet enough and I can just DO it.

I look back over my pink toes, look at the start of A Little Squeeze, look at all the files on my hard drive, look at my little black writer’s book of notes and ideas, and see 5 weeks of work. Five weeks of consistent interaction with my love of and passion for words and writing. Five weeks of believing in myself and working through the ups and downs and taking it slow and just keeping doing it.

Some of that writing has made it here, or at my other blog, and some has been of another nature. One of the most significant pieces of writing I did was for my church’s Leadership Team. It wasn’t appropriate to publish it here, but it has been one of the most satisfying pieces of writing I have done. Why? Because of the amazing conversations it has started. The letter began with a short email I sent letting a staff member know I couldn’t teach the new members' class because I was leaving the church. I then had lunches with a couple of different staff members who encouraged me to write my thoughts down on paper. It took about 3 weeks to write, but I felt so excited about the document – I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do, like in Chariots of Fire where Eric tells his sister, “God also made me fast, and when I run, I feel his pleasure.”. It’s always dangerous when someone starts to tell you that “God told me to do this”. I know that kind of statement is often used to shut people down, because how can you argue with God? But in this instance, I didn’t necessarily feel I was writing God’s words, but the words itself had direct relationship to my feeling the Spirit moving in me. My words had substance, they had meaning – they have started more conversations and made people think. It’s an exciting thing to have put words out there that people are moved enough by to interact with in a meaningful way.

What happens with the letter, or with my blogs is really beside the point. I feel like for the first time I am really stepping out and doing what God made me to do. And I’ve never felt better.

*the title refers back to this post where I alluded to things that were brewing. at that point, I was on the brink of much of the writing described above.