You Know It’s Bad When I Don’t Even Have the Energy to Drag Myself Down for a Pedicure

Such sad, sad pink toes

Another flare-up. I am in the midst of deep processing about how much this chronic pain affects my life. For years, I would just push on through and catch up on the weekends by sleeping constantly. I convinced myself I had no life because I was a teacher, and teachers’ work never ends (poor me). I would snap at my husband, screaming under the weight of everything I had to do.
The reality was that I was pushing my body to the limit and beyond each and every day. Instead of feeling these limitations, embracing them, and learning from them, I continued to destroy my body and relationships by living in denial and lashing out at myself and those closest to me.
I am now listening to my body more. I enjoy my life, my friends, and my children so much more when I get the rest I need. I just don’t like acknowledging how much rest that really is. It’s immense. I am grieving so much loss of perceived ability. I am grieving many things. But I know that this is the way through this mess and the way to true healing and true relationships.
I have to accept and embrace my limitations.
I am slowly, slowly learning how.

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 9th, 2007 at 1:41 PM and is filed under Chronic Babe-ness, Fibromyalgia. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.