Sunday, September 9th, 2007
It’s always been hard to be Henry’s mom. From the time he was just hours old, we had a hunch this baby wouldn’t be like the rest of them. We also got our first clue in how difficult getting help and empathy in parenting this child would be. In the hospital, he nursed 17 hours straight, all though the night. I finally begged the nurses to take him for a bit so I could get some rest. They very reluctantly agreed with lots of tsking and tut-tutting about how I was giving up already and maybe I should put my needs aside and take care of my precious little baby. They didn’t know what I failure I felt even asking for help. That I wouldn’t have asked unless I was at the end of my rope. I had stopped crying, because the tears had run out hours before. I wasn’t hyperventilating, because I was so far beyond that point (after 20 hours of labor, plus 24 hours with a sleepless newborn) that I was nearly catatonic. For a hospital that prides itself on being intuitive and nurturing, it sure would have been nice if someone had noticed my distress and offered to help instead of shaming me when I finally snapped after a two-day ordeal. (Oh yeah, and they also ruined my bladder, but that’s another story altogether…)
I know those of you who have a child with a “real
September 9th, 2007 at 5:57 PM
Hang in there. Does Henry have sensory issues?
September 9th, 2007 at 8:45 PM
Leah, Thank you for sharing your struggle. Know that you are not alone in this. Parenting a difficult child is something that must be experienced to be understood. It is something that cannot be explained to those who have not experienced. It is something that is both harder and more rewarding than you could ever imagine. I’ll second the hang in there. Sometimes it’s all you can do.
September 9th, 2007 at 8:45 PM
I don’t know why is said Jennyny, but, as you know, that is not my name.
September 9th, 2007 at 9:19 PM
Leah, thanks for your raw honesty. I totally know the dreaded feeling of being happier away from my children, and the guilt that goes along with all of that on top of everything else.
Have you looked at the site http://www.awildride.net? They have many articles about parenting challenging children and taking care of yourself. You may find something there encouraging, or maybe even writing for them would be therapeutic.
Praying for your encouragement.
September 13th, 2007 at 11:38 PM
Hi Leah. I’m not a Mum, so have not shared your mum experiences. But I have experienced the disappointment of all not being as it should be, or as we would like it to be, or as we know everybody else expects it to be. I’ve also experienced the shame of not being who I want to be, who others want me to be, or who God wants me to be. Or what I think they all want me to be! So in that I share your pain. May you know God’s sustaining care and love in the pain and difficulty. And may you continue to have all the love you need for Henry. And may you find keys and ideas for managing the situation in a way that is beneficial for each one of you!