my pink toes

I have not posted in so long - especially nothing of substance. But, I have SO much I want to say. Unfortunately, desire to write does not manufacture time to write.

Why? Because I have been doing some exciting self-discovery, soul-searching and navel-gazing and the immediate net result is the realization that I need to get 15 credits done before June 20. I'm so eager to talk about what led to my decision to keep up my teacher certification and to work on (future) admission to graduate school, but I just can't. I don't have the time right now to get it in the words I want to use. (Poorly-written self-discovery smacks of teenage diary-angst and that's not exactly what I'm going for, here.)

Because? I crazily decided to do my first 5 of these credits by taking Chinese 101. Inspired by my recent trip and my interest in the culture, I plunged into the class at a local community college. I started a week behind and have been playing catch-up ever since. This class is kicking my ass! (and no, I don't know how to say that yet in Chinese).

And? I'm also teaching a bible study and we just started a new unit. Yeah, my husband thinks I'm crazy, too.

Oh, and I just emerged from the physical ass-kicking of a three-week fibromyalgia flare.

I think I'm going to take the other 10 credits in other areas, mostly because I miss the headspace that I need to be in to write. I haven't been able to write because even if I did have a free minute, my brain was just not in the right space to write. I miss looking at the world through the lens of words, of mulling phrases and ideas over in my brain. That headspace has been inaccessible while taking Chinese. Learning a foreign language is all vocabulary lists and dialogues and "What the heck did she say?". It's like math (or at least the only levels of math I was able to aspire to) - there is no creative thinking. It is memorizing and decoding and flashcards, flashcards, flashcards.

I'm going to try NaBloPoMo again, just to keep my fingers writing. Don't expect anything earth-shattering. It may be just a bunch of entries in really crappy Chinese.

Right now? I should finish my homework that's due today at midnight. I got the last one (Monday's) in at 11:57pm. Maybe tonight I'll aim for 11:56.