my pink toes

Your login attempt failed. This is probably because you are a moron. Or because you created your password one late night after watching a VH-1 marathon and chose something so cute and nostalgic like IWOULDDIE4U but now that the vodka has worn off and you’re trying to log in to this site you can’t remember for the life of you EVER liking Prince. And if you did, you certainly wouldn’t choose a stupid song lyric for your password but maybe you did and now what was it?

Or because you don't have "cookies" enabled on your browser. No, Explorer doesn't eat Snickerdoodles. No I'm not going to explain how to enable them because you won't understand it. And then when you get your next virus you would blame me because you were the one too stupid not to accept the download for "free screensavrz of lindsey lohan nekkid".

Or because you mistyped when you logged on the first time. Or now. Or always. Learn to type already, idiot.

Or because you cannot spell your own name. Before I started in this business, I thought that was impossible. Sadly, I have been proven wrong many times. This is why the communists are winning. Before you start complaining about how some many jobs are being outsourced, learn to spell. Start with your first name, then move on to more difficult things, like your last name.

Or because you have 5 email addresses and can’t remember which one you used when you first logged on. Streamline your life, Sybil.

Or because you’ve never actually been here but you’re getting such a great sense of déjà vu that you decided to try your old standby username/password combo and IT DOES NOT WORK. I’ll give you a hint: typing the same thing over and over again will not make things magically right again. Asking Mom for a cookie over and over again until she gave in may have worked when you were a child, but this is a computer. And you, presumably, are an adult. Grow up.

It is possible that the error is ours. But not very likely. Stop emailing me. Go away.