my pink toes

Lent is typically characterized (in Western tradition, at least) by giving something up for the season. Many give up chocolate or desserts, or TV. But I know that giving up desserts just puts me in the frame of a diet, and “dieting for Jesus" is not exactly what Lent is about. The idea is to do something that makes us focus more on God, on Jesus, on God’s amazing love for us - culminating in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross (celebrated at Easter). Giving up desserts makes me focus on the scale, on other self-centered things. I need something that would have me focus on God instead.

As God is the creator of Time, it makes sense that the timing of Lent coincides with a time of great spiritual searching on my part. I have been praying about what to do in quite a few areas of my life, and I feel God calling me to do a Lenten Journey – in this case: a quest for a theology.

I’ve been struggling with some spiritual issues lately, and with the ideas of church and faith and religion and Jesus and compassion and responsibility and love and sin. The linchpin issue lately seems to be the one of women’s place in the Church (big C, and small c).

There are a few large, popular churches in the area that are doing many things I admire: like reaching out to people in the culture where they live and move and have their being (as opposed to making them fit into a Boomer- or Greatest Generation- framed church culture). Unfortunately, the two I have experience with have very clear theological positions preventing women from being in church leadership. This has led to me making a few unkind and snotty comments about one church in particular, greatly offending a friend of mine. I apologized to my friend and spent some time thinking about my sharp tongue that got me into trouble (again). This led me to thinking about what my actual issue is: is it really with that church, or that very out-spoken pastor? Somewhat - but my real, deeper issue is with Reformed Theology. (Defining what Reformed Theology is, is part of my journey, and will be the subject of another post – or more).

I have some significant personal experience with church and church culture coming from a Reformed Theology viewpoint and, specifically, with the view of not having women in any position of “authority” (a hot-button word, if I’ve ever heard one…) over any men in any situation. I think that this view trickles down and ends up overtly (in some cases) or subtly (in many, many cases) resulting in the physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse of women (and often, children).

I’ve been challenged by a person I particularly admire to look at the issue and really question how much of my issue is personal and how much is actually theological. I think they both intertwine, and to some extent should – as my view is that the single most important aspect of spirituality is relationship. But I think her point is valid. (And as it was discussed with me in relationship and in a true conversation, I am inclined to listen and seek).

I am not naïve enough to presume I will discover a “capital T” Theology in just 50 days. I am not looking for an immutable Theology, but for “what Leah has come to believe about Theology for now”. It will be an interesting journey, and one I must do with much prayer, openness, tenderness, and time to think. I don’t have the time for this. My children (and I) have been sick, I’m taking a Chinese class, I’m about to start some freelance work, and am doing some volunteer web work right now. I have no time at all. But Lent is about challenging yourself to do what isn’t convenient in order to search and draw closer to the Living God.

I’ll share most of my thoughts here. Please feel free to converse with me by email or in the comments. This is a journey, and it’s always better to have fellow travelers along the way.