my pink toes

I am home and surrounded by flowers, eager children, and loving emails. My husband has been a real gem.

Hooray! Thanks for all the well-wishes! I have the most incredible friends and family in the world!

I am feeling sore, but honestly, NOTHING like when I had my tonsils out. I know after I wean off the Vicodin I'll be a bit more whiny, but I'm feeling pretty optimistic. After the tonsillectomy, it was MURDER to take the pain meds. Thankfully my throat feels just fine now and I can slurp down the meds just fine.

I'm feeling really grateful - a good friend of mine had the same surgery a month ago (go Giseli!!) and has been such a great support to me. Unfortunately for her, she had horrible swelling and was unable to drink more than 2 tablespoons of water at a time post-surgery - her first week out was awful. She has been such a trouper and has given me the best information. I feel so lucky to have a friend have the SAME surgery just before me.

I also got a wonderful surprise today: Marybeth from Attraversiamo stopped by my recovery room in the hospital! She came in out of the blue, just to wish me the best - before yesterday she didn't even know I lived near hear and she rearranged her schedule today to drop by!! [Heh - the hospital pharmacist tried to get the copay out of her since she was in my room. That made for a great laugh.] She had (a different kind of) weight loss surgery 4 years ago, and has dropped 200 pounds. Her blog has been and continues to be a major source of inspiration for me. I feel that although the actual surgeries people choose for themselves may be different, the emotional issues are very similar. I know I have to plow through my own emotional territory for myself, but reading blogs like Marybeth's have been so helpful to me. Getting to meet her was like being visited by a celebrity - like being surprised by Anne Lamott in a recovery room. Thanks, Marybeth - you are amazing

[Read more about my Lap-Band Journey at A Little Squeeze]

Filed Under "Lap Band::A Little Squeeze" on April 30, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

My surgery is tomorrow at 10 am.

I'm getting nervous and scared. (Finally). I knew this was going to happen and was wondering when it would finally hit me. I'm so excited for "the rest of my life" to start, and I'm eager to get this done, but I'm still nervous.

I'm told that a common "first reaction" upon waking up from surgery is regret. I've heard it comes from the idea that they were feeling fine the day before and now they did something so invasive and made themselves feel so physically bad - on purpose!

I know I'm not going to have that reaction. I'm not trying to sound arrogant or special here, it's just that I have so many health and chronic pain issues (hardly any are weight related, by the way), and spend so much of my time in doctors' offices, having testing done and the like, that the hospital experience itself is not really out-of-the-norm for me. Also, frankly, I am in pain every day of my life. It's not like I'm going to go in feeling great (because I almost never do) and come out feeling worse than ever (although perhaps I am minimizing surgery, here).

Lastly, I had my tonsils taken out 5 years ago, at the age of 30. THAT, my friends, truly sucked. I was in horrible, horrible pain for 3 entire weeks. I knew I'd be bad going in, and it really was. I also knew it would be worth it to reduce all the throat and ear infections I'd had over the many years, and it was. The short term was horrible, but the long-term has been so worth it. I'm thinking this Lap-Band surgery is going to be the same way.

I'm starting to have butterflies and lightheadedness. I think it's because my habits are so drastically going to change. I'm getting the Lap-Band because I NEED the help to change my habits. If I could do it by myself without the Band, I would have. There are some deep psychological barriers I've had to changing my habits, otherwise they wouldn't so be so ingrained. It is going to be very very painful to change all these habits. I have been reluctant to change my habits for a reason. I know this weight has been my protection - my barrier against some deep hurts. I don't really understand why it's been so hard to let go of it, but I know there is much more here than just "eating too much because it tastes good". I'm scared to face the emotional issues. I'm so glad I have my therapist, my fabulous husband, and my amazingly supportive friends and family.

I feel like I'm preparing to climb a mountain: I know it will be long, hard, cold, exhausting, dangerous work. I'm going to slip. I'm going to feel like I've run out of air. Sometimes, I will hate myself for starting this journey at all. And then, someday in the next two years, I will hit the summit. I will look out from the top of the mountain and lose my breath at the beauty of it all. I will be scarred. I will have learned a lot. It will be worth it.

[Read more about my Lap-Band Journey at A Little Squeeze]

Filed Under "Journey, Lap Band::A Little Squeeze, Medical Freak(out)" on April 29, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm having Lap-Band surgery on Monday, April 30th. I have a blog about it, called A Little Squeeze.

I haven't really figured out what I'm doing having 2 blogs.

On one hand, I have read many WLS (weight loss surgery) blogs and they have helped me greatly in my personal decision about whether to have this surgery. I love reading the candidness, the struggles, the victories... and I have had a lot of trouble finding Lap-Band blogs that are current and/or have more than just a few entries. I want to be candid as well. I thought about making A Little Squeeze private and semi-anonymous, but, frankly, I'm just not smart enough to do that. I'd end up "outing" myself anyway, so better to just start on the up and up and let everyone in on it.

I will post here about weight loss and the Lap-Band, but I don't want my pink toes to turn into a weight-loss blog (which tend to not be very interesting unless you are losing weight. Marybeth is a fabulous exception to this generalization). Also, sometimes when I find a good WLS blog, I don't always want to read all the posts about everything besides just weight (like cats, their on-again-off-again boyfriend, and how much they love windsurfing). I'm afraid to bog down my pink toes with weight loss, and I don't want to clutter A Little Squeeze with all the stuff in my head that has nothing to do with weight.

So for now, I'm going to wing it. I'll have 2 blogs, and will probably do some cross-posting.

I do ask you, though - if you know me personally, please please please don't talk to me about A Little Squeeze. You're free to read it (like I could stop you, heh) and free to ask about the Band and everything, but please don't talk about the detailed stuff I put on there (like my exact weight, yeesh!). I'm going to be transparent, but at the same time ask you to pretend you don't know all this other stuff about me. Yeah, I know - real healthy. It's just where I'm at right now. Things will change.

I'm taking comfort in the fact that I'm able to take this one day at a time and just wing it for now. The perfectionist inside of me is screaming at me - demanding a spreadsheet of what goes in which blog and a timetable for integration. Well, that perfectionist is getting a big 'ol raspberry. I'm gonna just figure this one out as I go.

UPDATE: Tech-savvy husband got me a domain name and pointed it at my Blogger blog. He's so awesome - and so handsome! Anyway, thanks to Dave, you can now find me at www.alittlesqueeze.com Ooh - I'm so cool!

Filed Under "Lap Band::A Little Squeeze, Meta" on April 27, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)