my pink toes

No, not by any overwhelming incident, or gift (although the gifts were amazingly generous and heartfelt, and we did have a Christmas Eve ER incident…more on that later), but speechless because of laryngitis.

I felt it coming on and thought I had staved it off with a couple of days of rest and then an actual, full-on, watch-the-entire-second-season-of-
Arrested-Development-because-I’m-so-sick day. But then I woke up today, the first day of the year, with hardly any voice at all. I’m feeling mostly ok – worse than yesterday, but much better than the day before – but my voice is quite gone.

And, you've probably noticed how my voice has been gone here on the blog as well.

I’m still learning about the care and feeding of my body, my mind, my soul, and my blog. There were many things I wanted to post, but didn’t. I’m still figuring out how to do all the things that I want to in a way that feels good to me and not a chore.

Here’s to 2008. All the best to all of us, on so many levels.

Filed Under "Meta" on January 01, 2008 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been tweaking the blog some more. I'm loving learning more about CSS and Movable Type.

Using the awesome resources of a rockin' website, I moved my "About" page to its own template within my blog - without having to make it an entry (and added more hyperlinks to it). Very, very cool! I may do the same with my new "Toes" page, which I had to backdate to "hide" on the blog.

I also learned how to make the entry titles click to the permalink (individual entry page). Go ahead - try it! Click on the "More MT Geeky Goodness" title up above. Cool, eh?

The same website also gave me the code I needed to add a "Recent Comments" section on my sidebar (scroll down and check it out).

I can't get the clickable banner to work yet. It's driving me crazy. But I really should spend more time writing and less time geeking. It's amazing the lengths I'll go to - it's like that college "study avoidance" all over again. (When my husband was getting his master's degree, our kitchen was always sparkling. He's NOT a kitchen-cleaner, but he'd clean it from top to bottom to avoid doing his homework. We all do crazy things when we're avoiding what we want to do, but don't want to start).

Update: I got the clickable banner to work! Yay - click my banner on the top and it takes you to my home page! Whee! Duh - I had to change "www.yourblog.com/path/to/your/banner/image.jpg" with the ACTUAL URL OF THE IMAGE ON MY SITE. I can be dumb sometimes. I probably definitely should sleep more and geek less.

But I also need to fix the width of my banner...it's about 20 pixels too narrow....

STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER, LEAH!

Filed Under "Meta" on June 18, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I did more CSS nerding tonight! Yes, instead of mopping the kitchen floor or folding the laundry, I learned how to make my own custom "blockquote" style!

Thanks to some cool inspiration, I made my OWN quote image and then figured out how to put it in my CSS as a style.

Up next: pullquotes! (That will be harder, as I'll have to write a Movable Type custom tag for it).

Sticky floors, no clean underwear....but a cool page!

Filed Under "Meta" on June 06, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

How did Dave and I spend our Friday night? Making rss buttons, comments feeds, and favicons. Yes, we've been married 14 years. Yes, we are nerds. (I have to admit, all his nerdy help tonight makes him waaaay attractive to me. That, and the fact that he put both kids to bed...)

So, check it out! Up in the top right, I've got fancy-pants new RSS buttons and a spankin'-new comments feed. If you look in the address window of your browser, you'll notice I have this cute little graphic (called a favicon) instead of the default "blank page" icon.

My adorable, fabulous husband made my new favicon. He made my day.

If you had asked me 18 years ago what a perfect Friday night would look like, this would not have been it.

I had no idea what I was missing

Filed Under "Dave Smith: Wonder Husband, Meta" on May 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm having Lap-Band surgery on Monday, April 30th. I have a blog about it, called A Little Squeeze.

I haven't really figured out what I'm doing having 2 blogs.

On one hand, I have read many WLS (weight loss surgery) blogs and they have helped me greatly in my personal decision about whether to have this surgery. I love reading the candidness, the struggles, the victories... and I have had a lot of trouble finding Lap-Band blogs that are current and/or have more than just a few entries. I want to be candid as well. I thought about making A Little Squeeze private and semi-anonymous, but, frankly, I'm just not smart enough to do that. I'd end up "outing" myself anyway, so better to just start on the up and up and let everyone in on it.

I will post here about weight loss and the Lap-Band, but I don't want my pink toes to turn into a weight-loss blog (which tend to not be very interesting unless you are losing weight. Marybeth is a fabulous exception to this generalization). Also, sometimes when I find a good WLS blog, I don't always want to read all the posts about everything besides just weight (like cats, their on-again-off-again boyfriend, and how much they love windsurfing). I'm afraid to bog down my pink toes with weight loss, and I don't want to clutter A Little Squeeze with all the stuff in my head that has nothing to do with weight.

So for now, I'm going to wing it. I'll have 2 blogs, and will probably do some cross-posting.

I do ask you, though - if you know me personally, please please please don't talk to me about A Little Squeeze. You're free to read it (like I could stop you, heh) and free to ask about the Band and everything, but please don't talk about the detailed stuff I put on there (like my exact weight, yeesh!). I'm going to be transparent, but at the same time ask you to pretend you don't know all this other stuff about me. Yeah, I know - real healthy. It's just where I'm at right now. Things will change.

I'm taking comfort in the fact that I'm able to take this one day at a time and just wing it for now. The perfectionist inside of me is screaming at me - demanding a spreadsheet of what goes in which blog and a timetable for integration. Well, that perfectionist is getting a big 'ol raspberry. I'm gonna just figure this one out as I go.

UPDATE: Tech-savvy husband got me a domain name and pointed it at my Blogger blog. He's so awesome - and so handsome! Anyway, thanks to Dave, you can now find me at www.alittlesqueeze.com Ooh - I'm so cool!

Filed Under "Lap Band::A Little Squeeze, Meta" on April 27, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm working on writing more and developing my voice. I've also been writing a lot about my faith in Jesus and about my passions. Lydia from Emerging Women has started a blog for those writing about faith to share and solicit feedback. It's called, straightforwardly enough, Writing About Faith.

I put a link up there with my last essay in it. Please head over there and offer me some feedback, or give me some right here. You can leave it in the comments or email me at Leah AT mypinktoes DOT com.

Come join the writing community - I look forward to your feedback!

Filed Under "Faith, Journey, Meta, Writing" on April 19, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I LOVE Movable Type, but am having a heckuva time with comments: spam about hydrocodone and Vi@gr@ cheep get through the comment filtering immediately and are automatically posted on my blog. And then comments from real people are often junked.

I just tried to leave a comment ON MY OWN BLOG and MT junked it. I'm starting to wonder what exactly their comment filtering does. Maybe it's just based on a random number generator...

Filed Under "Meta" on April 12, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

My head is buzz buzz buzzing with all sorts of ideas. Things have been quiet here on the blog, but my head is a busy place! I've had some great conversations over the last 2 weeks (4 significant conversations in 2 weeks - mom-brain overload!) that have me thinking and drafting and writing. Most of it is too unformed to share just yet, but I'm excited about all the ideas.

One of the highlights was meeting Jen of The Pile I'm Standing In and Jenny of wickedweaving. I love these women and what they do. I'm so excited by the conversations I've had with both of them - meeting them in real life felt more like connecting with an old college friend than like meeting someone for the first time. I feel like they are helping me on the passionate path and are helping me find my voice.

Another exciting development was meeting with people from my church about vision and ideas. I am so encouraged and excited by those conversations - finding there's much more room there for dialogue than I thought. I have so many things about this that I need to get on paper, but every attempt so far has either ended up very flat, or has gone someplace else entirely. You know how sometimes you sit down to write a certain thing and it ends up something totally else? There's a great part in Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell where Lady Pole keeps trying to tell people she's enchanted, but always ends up telling a long story about teakettles, or digging gardens. She is bewitched and is unable to say what she wants. It feels a bit like that.

Hopefully I'll have more to say here soon. I wish I had all the time in the world to write. Sadly, I have small chunks inbetween my real-life duties. I also continue to be amazed how difficult the writing process is - long, hard, inefficient work. My husband has been amazingly generous with his time, to give me so much time lately. He also told me an encouraging story about how some people found a bunch of Hemingway's drafts and they were pretty crappy too.

I'm eager to get some of this buzzing out of my head and onto the page.

Filed Under "Everything Else, Meta" on April 03, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Whew! It's been a crazy couple days here on the back end of my pink toes! Tech-savvy husband upgraded my harddrive from a measly 20G to a robust 80G (an $80 solution, instead of the $2500 new-laptop-solution).

Since he's a software developer, I am very lucky to have him doing all my IT. At the same time, it's kind of like having a best friend cut your hair - it removes the ability to have a nameless entity to rage about when things get frustrating.* I can't complain about the crazy nitpicky IT guy who is so perfectionistic and therefore is taking forEVER to upgrade my harddrive because, well, I'm married to him. And he has feelings. (Ok, so I CAN complain about him...I just have to do it nicely, or on my blog...)

Anyway, I'm pretty much up and running now. I've also spent the entire day (sorry, kids) learning more HTML, CSS, and Movable Type code. (Check out my fancy new archive styles that actually display my masthead and show links on the right – cool, eh?!)

Coinciding with this technical upgrade was the decision to let a few “real life” friends know about this blog. Having my computer down and giving my friends my URL has made me feel a little, well, vulnerable. I hadn’t realized how personal my computer is to me. I have(had) it all set up the way I want it – visually and technically. And by extension, my blog is extremely personal as I put my writing out here for everyone to see, even though it’s not necessarily the way I want it yet.

In all areas of my life, I am evolving. I have spent my life waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting to be “perfect enough” to let others see the REAL me.

I’m finally realizing that true relationship comes when we reach out to others and share in the process. We are always in process; this is what it means to be human. It is to be celebrated instead of lamented.

I’m also learning this over and over in my faith. I’m convinced God is much more interested in the process than in waiting for the forever-elusive “perfect” result.

I’m sure I’ll need to be reminded again.

* Actually, one of my best friends DOES cut my hair. And she does a fabulous job, so I don’t miss having someone to rage about. Really, Shona – it looks great – always!

Filed Under "Dave Smith: Wonder Husband, Faith, Journey, Meta" on March 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Do you know me IRL (y’know, In Real Life?, or as we used to say in elementary school: "for reals"?). If so, um – Hi! You may be thinking “Hey, why don’t I know about this blog”? (Well, you DO know about it now ha ha but I guess that’s beside the point). Perhaps you’re more correctly thinking, “Why didn’t Leah tell me about this blog?".

Well, the answer is long and complicated – but also quite simple at the same time: I’m not sure what I’m doing here. I’m finding my voice, trying some things, and generally trying to develop some chops as a writer. Sounds kinda hifalutin’, doesn’t it? Yeah – that’s why I didn’t tell you about it. Because, well, I’m still working on it. And even though I’ve let go of my crazy perfectionism enough to put this out here for the whole wide web to see, I didn’t tell YOU because, well…. um…. I wasn’t ready? Because my perfectionism is still there? A bit?

Sigh. Can you see where this is going? No, I can’t either.

Anyway, if you know me – Hello! Please let me know you’ve stumbled across my pink toes. I really want to know!

I made a conscious decision when I started my pink toes to use my real name and to not post anything that I didn’t want people in my “real” life to see. Sometimes I fantasize about blogging all the secret, deep dark thoughts. Well, okay, so I DO blog those. What I don’t blog are the little gossipy things that are clever, but hurtful. I’m not out to write about others at their expense. I have no illusions about privacy – as you can see I’ve used my real name and photos all over. Some day I’ll go public, but I’m still working on the whole “where is this going?” thing.

Welcome, and Cheers!

Filed Under "Meta" on March 06, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

I bought strawberries again (I can't resist the early promise of spring) and of course reserved some for a fabulous martini. Eventually I'll add this photo to the recipe posting, but for now, here it is.

I am experimenting with Flickr, and with the taking , editing, and posting of photos. (Thanks to Jen for HTML help about getting text to wrap around an image).
Sadly, it was difficult to find a place in my house un-cluttered enough to take this photo. And, for whatever reason, I failed to smooth the tablecloth first. Sigh. Too bad my photo editing program doesn't have an "ironing" tool.

By the way, I love rimming glasses with the kind of coarse, colored sugar shown in this picture. For Christmas Eve, I made Chocolate Peppermintinis and rimmed them with red, green and white sugar, and hung a mini candy cane off of each. Yum!

Filed Under "Cocktails, Meta" on March 02, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

For a while, I checked all the time to see if new comments arrived. Kind of like waiting for the phone to ring in high school. And, as then, there was no news.

Then a friend told me that she tried to leave a comment and it didn't work. My tech-savvy husband and I realized that I'd messed something up on my Movable Type settings so that the comment thingy didn't show up. Hooray! So, then the phone started to ring. I mean, I got a couple comments!

Then, silence.

Continue reading "Comments on Comments" »

Filed Under "Dave Smith: Wonder Husband, Meta" on February 14, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

II love a good cocktail. Especially if it’s pink, of course! I love to serve cocktails for my friends – especially my bible study ladies. We have downed many a lovely libation. I have found I really enjoy finding great combinations – learning what makes the different layers of flavor in any particular drink.

This Christmas I made cocktail recipe books for my girlfriends. I spent six months gathering and testing my favorite recipes, then I formatted, copied and bound them. I packaged them up with a cocktail shaker and a fun selection of minis from the liquor store. I was so excited to give them away! Further evidence of my cocktail love was that two different friends gave me cocktail recipe books this year – before they received my homemade ones!

I am constantly searching the web for recipes, so I thought I’d start to add my favorites in different journal entries.

(If you'd like a Word Doc of the recipes, I'd be happy to send it. Just email me.)

Cheers!

Filed Under "Cocktails, Meta" on January 05, 2007 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Just because.

Filed Under "Meta" on December 31, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

People used to say I was the happiest person they knew (some, amazingly, still do). I find that so interesting. I am a very optimistic, glass-half-full-make-the-best-of-it person, but I had a tough emotional climate in my home and was unclear about a lot. Yet, I seemed to have a sense of purpose and joy.

I credit all of this to God and the faith and hope he gave me. Yet I wonder how I got it. How did I feel so called to Him, in the midst of all the bad examples and pain and wrong images? Why did God reach into my life and help pull me bit by bit out of misery? Why did I not succumb to the pain and adopt one of my family’s long litany of unhealthy coping mechanism? (Well, you may argue that I have adopted some…but that’s another entry.) Sometimes this question drives me crazy. I can’t see eye-to-eye with Calvin on the whole predestination thing, so I have to stop looking for answers to this question pretty fast. I believe in the amazing, redemptive love of Jesus. Why is it for me? Why do others take a different path?

I think the answer is that there are lots of answers. I’m getting more comfortable with this, the lack of black and white in the world. I think the world is less black and white than I was told to believe. But instead of this leaving me in a world of grey, it leaves me in a world of a rainbow. There is more room for color, for expression, for beautiful paradox. I am in the middle of a long journey.

Underneath this “happiest” person is a lifetime of real thoughts, desires, heartaches and struggles that I’ve never effectively dealt with. I have deep wounds in places that will be difficult to heal. I’ve been on this real journey for about 5 years now. In a way, I feel that I’m getting to really know myself for the first time.

I know many have written about their journey before, and many will after me. Sometimes this realization paralyzes me – makes me think I have nothing to say that hasn’t been said before. Maybe this is true. But it is enough that I am saying it for the first time for myself. Hopefully someone will find bits of Truth and Hope in my journey, like I have found through the journey of many others.

Thanks for joining me.

Filed Under "Faith, Journey, Medical Freak(out), Meta" on December 27, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Well, I officially participated in NaBloPoMo. I think I only created 2 or 3 posts of substance, but participating did for me what I hoped it would - it helped me over my reluctance and got me focused again on my writing. I have paid more attention again to my inner life and how important the writing process is to me - how deeply I love it. I'm hoping to have more discipline in this area.

I've also discovered some other voices this month that I very much enjoy and will continue to read. Thanks to all of you who post, NaBloPoMo or not - you make my life much richer.

And thanks to Fussy, for the kick in the butt!

Filed Under "Meta" on November 30, 2006 | Permalink

Yep, I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

Hopefully this will help me over my blogger's/writer's block.
Or maybe you'll just hear a lot about my cats.

Here's the official stuff, thanks to fussy

Filed Under "Meta" on November 01, 2006 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I just spent about 12 hours over 2 days learning about Movable Type. I haven't thought this hard about this kind of stuff in a long time. My husband is a computer programmer, so it comes easily to him, but to my brain? not so much... I'm a content person, a words person. The HTML - it seems like math to me, or like balancing chemistry equations. Neither of which I'm terribly good at. I tried to explain to my husband that processing HTML/XHTML tags atually hurts my brain. Yeah, he thought I was weird, too.

But now I have a (semi-workable) banner, I've learned how to customize the side bar, and I am starting to feel my way around the site. I have a new, increased admiration for those folks who HTMLify for a living.

My hope is to make this a place to share some thoughts and to hone my writing skills. Being a stay at home mom has its rewards (at least that's what they tell me), but my brain is starting to wither away. I know the names of all the Rescue Heroes, the major characters of Sesame Street, and the personality quirks of all the Scooby Doo characters. I know which variations of protein, fruts and vegetables my children will actually eat, and I can make dinner with a baby on one hip and a 5-year-old throwing a fit in the middle of the kitchen. Is this the best use of my talents (?) and skills(?). Some days I think so, some days I think I may not have any talents and skills any longer. Anyway, I'm hoping to use this site as motivation to help me in my eventual second career. Eventually I hope to get paid for writing - probably as a technical writer. In my before-kids life, I was an 8th grade Language Arts/American History teacher. I loved it, but don't want to go back to teaching right now.

Of course, after the MT/HTML/RSS crash course of the last couple days, I think a little brain withering might be welcome tomorrow. Hey kids, wanna watch Elmo?

Filed Under "Meta" on October 16, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)