Discipline
I’ve been stuck in a rut for a while. I have goals, dreams, things I want to do! But I don’t make the progress I would like on them. Pregnancy and early childhood were valid excuses for me. With my health issues (and with my adorable-yet-very-cranky babies), just surviving was a valid and all-consuming agenda for about six years of my life.
But things have been stirring for the last couple of years. My health has gotten much better (I’ll write another post on that later!), and my babies have been growing up. I spent a lot of time two years ago praying about what I wanted to do, and what God wanted me to do with this next chapter in my life. I did a lot of the typical soul-searching, continued with my very important therapy, prayed a lot, and talked to friends. I finally felt strongly that God was calling me back to teaching. I wasn’t sure what that would look like, exactly, but knew I was supposed to renew my certificate. So, I spent 2007-8 earning 15 credits in Chinese and graphic design. I loved the challenge. I loved using my mind again. I discovered that I really, really missed the classroom.
One of my favorite quotes kept coming to mind:
Your vocation is where your greatest bliss encounters the world’s deepest need. – Frederick Buechner
So last September, after my mom’s heart issues were stabilizing and we found out that she for-sure did NOT have ovarian cancer (thank God), I decided to apply to the sub pool and went ahead and checked “permanent position” for a consideration, figuring I was out of luck for that school year, anyway. But out of the blue, I got an interview and then a position in the third week of school. I was so blessed to have had that amazing opportunity. Being with my junior high students reinforced in me that this is what I’m supposed to do. I loved the challenge. I loved building the relationships with my students. And, I learned a whole lot about myself: what I do well, and what I want to do better. It truly was "my greatest bliss", and I think that the development of adolescents is definitely one of the "world's deepest needs".
Due to budget cuts, my position for next year no longer exists, so I am really hoping to get an interview with a school in the next couple weeks. I have no idea if there is anything even available, but I am so very hopeful. (Hi to potential employers who are Googling me…well, considering our location, you’re probably “Bing”-ing me….I really don’t talk about my job here on the blog, except for in the most general of ways, honest!).
But back to my point. The season in my life of survival-and-small-children is over, and it’s now time to move forward with some dreaming and goals. This summer, I have finally had the “duh” moments that I needed. One of them has involved discipline.
If I want to have more of a life than just plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other, it’s time for some real disciplined. It’s always easy for me to be disciplined at work, but I struggle with other types of discipline. So now I have made a commitment to it, so that some of the things I’m dreaming about can become reality.